Dowry bride price DOES exist here!

I hate to disagree with all the "experts" here but bridal dowry does
exist among certain cultural groups here. This almost entirely
happens in Mindanao among the Muslims and several of the indigenous
groups who have lived in close association with the Muslims for the
last 400 years.

My wife is pure blood Subanen, one of these cultural groups. When she
was 18, a Muslim business associate of her family asked for her as
wife. The family didn’t like the idea so specified a dowry of 3 kg of
gold, 50 sacks of rice, a breeding pair of cows and 20 hectares of
coco land. The prospective groom thanked them for politely
considering him but his family declined. When I asked, the price was
given as PhP500,000 because she is beautiful and college educated. It
was agreed that PhP496,000 was to be given to her as wedding gifts
which she then returned to me. In the community the family was thus
covered in glory for getting such a price and for being able to set up
their daughter so well and she is so respected she is often addressed
as "Ate", unusual for a woman under 30.

A Muslim friend of one of my sisters-in-law was recently married with
a dowry of PhP500,000 which was paid in full. The high price was
based on her being college educated with a good job.

In other cases, the price is deeply discounted but never ignored
completely. My wife’s older sister was already pregnant and her
husband to be was an orphan who already supported some of his
siblings. Her dowry was discounted down to PhP127, the family’s
"lucky" number.

Among the Subanen, disputes are settled by a "Thimuai" or judge,
selected by the elders and holding the position for life or until
voluntary retirement. My wife’s father is a Thimuai and he says he
has often been asked to formally discount a dowry when the groom is
unable to pay. This preserves the dignity and pride of the bride’s
family while permitting "love" matches.

John in Valencia, N.O.